I give and I give, but it goes unrecognized.
For many, something given is only noticed when it's materialized.

We want to change.
We want peace and all the goodness the heavens preach.
We say we love and shouldn't make war,
but we in act in hate more often than we relate.

You think you don't.
You read this and I wish the words would make you choke -
Maybe then you'd get a reality check
and awake before you settle for less.

Happiness is your responsibility.
You assume it's not about forgiveness or patience,
or the bigger picture of the innocent;
You think you can do you and forget about the hearts below?
Well I would like to see you walk into any type of heaven with those misdemeanors on your record.

Who is God and why are people asking Him for everything?
How hypocritical, contradicting and synical -
To blame God, but to daily neglect God.
Get with it or get dead;
The fame, glitter, glamour and gold is only in your head.
Like paranoia, envy and ego,
can you take that with you when you go?

And it isn't about your name,
but whose life did you change?
Was it your soul exposed in an act?
Something substantial that made the darkness crack?
Releasing light like a beam,
did you give yours and another's life the kind of loving that we all need?

Or like so many, did you boast the most then raise your glass to a toast,
admiring an image as thin as a ghost?
One to show the rest that you're the best;
To give the kids something to seek,
unfortunately your influence is so bleak;
Personalities are so jaded, and my tiny perspective in the masses easily becomes faded.

It's not about the things, not even about a wedding ring.
Traditions are nice, but they too came about from sacrifice.
So ignorant, arrogant, yet nostalgic...
We're hoping for better days
but not improving any of our selfish ways.

(THINK)

Looking at the stars
I forgot so many scars,
To Jupiter and Mars
My pain was left so far.
The magic of this endless world heals;
So many possibilities,
Galaxies and infinities,
This hurt only stretches across human fields.
Never understanding to what insignificance we yield,
Living only on what a conditioned mind feels.
Neglecting the majesty of a moonlit ocean,
Dwelling on selfish,
Radical emotions.

Depth

Wasting in waiting,
Wading in wanting,
So many wishes,
So little wins.

Longing in leisure,
Lurking in loneliness,
So many losses,
So little loved.

Burning in boredom,
Believing in again,
So many chances,
So little taken.

Giving to grief,
Going with the ghosts,
Gullable to the hopes
that I desire most.

But tender is the touch
of the truth that's been torn,
Healing while revealing,
my deepest aches and sores.

Excerpt from "Dejection Ode" By:Coleridge

III
My genial spirits fail;
And what can these avail
To lift the smothering weight from off my breast?
It were a vain endeavour,
Though I should gaze for ever
On that green light that lingers in the west:
I may not hope from outward forms to win
The passion and the life, whose fountains are within.

I can see the moon,
all of it's craters, too.
I catch Cassiopeia,
eternally in doom.
My vision stretches past
the last C-E-O,
darting through the stars,
striking galaxies mimicking ours.

Unrestrained, weightless and free,
not necessarily what we are trained to be.

I look up every night,
and occasionally take flights.
If you don't hear from me through the Fall,
please listen when I crash land and call.
No reason to be angry, darling,
I'm just enjoying myself.

Unrestrained, weightless and free,
not necessarily what we are trained to be.

Accept me as I come to you,
as I openly give me love to you.

If some part of it makes you upset,
if my trips trigger resentment,
then your mind is in imprisonment.

Because I'm unrestrained, wild and free,
not necessarily what I was trained to be.

Your problems with me
root past your memory's perspective of me.
Past your inflated ego,
and past the reality that you know.
They stab into your soul and being at heart,
revealing instincts and fears hiding in the dark.

Because you're not unrestrained, weightless and free,
you're a carbon copy of misery.

...

Inevitably doing what's worse for me,
Listening to the voices of other's subconsciously.
Misleading my heart.
Convinced that these choices are mine,
Negligent to how they've been hacked by falsity in the human mind.
But writing soothes it all to feel much better,
Like I'm in the cold and these words are my sweater.

There's no other relief,
It's grief without these written briefs.
We interrupt your programmed way of thinking for these true messages,
they come out your soul to release you of your trespasses.
And I hope it doesn't hold them against me:
my many pretentious routes of living,
the selfish ways that I've been giving.
But when I press the keys my words have no brakes,
They test the page without delay,
without remorse and completely risque.

It's the thought of me, leaving me;
Manifesting it's own reality.
It's what no one sees, speaking loudly.
It's a surprise, but it's not a joke,
Though many look past it,
when life gets choppy they unknowingly use these words to float.

My words are my heart,
and so are yours.
If you don't ever let them leave,
you'll never know the love they can acheive.

fake Confidence escaping Consequence.

There is a plan,
but most of it we'll never understand.
There is a guarantee,
that living in the system will never set you free.
The pattern commenced centuries in advance,
yet here we are today allowing it a millionth chance.
It is a threatening reality;
eye opening to disguise it best.
We are individuals looked down upon as criminals.
Given the miracle of birth
to one day save the Earth,
but stopped from full advantage,
falsely led by their enchantment.
Preventing love?
You must be sick.
Don't think the myth's a trick,
it's your soul that'll suffer quick.
The power lies in the fear,
because we the people are their superior.
Gagging from the lies poking at their throats,
we are the true heros who are constantly made to cope.

Lupe Fiasco - I'm Beamin

FEARLESS.

- B

Figure 8.

Don't underestimate me.
Even if it's something you can't see,
It does not mean it can never be.

I proved you wrong once before,
And if you act like this
I'll have to prove you wrong once more.

Why do you keep me leveled with the floor?
If it's me that you adore,
Wouldn't you want to see me soar?
See me in the round;
Pick me up from off the ground.

I'm starting to notice you keep me
here for your sanity.
Because if you allow me to shine,
My light will leave you blind.

You are afraid to want me
Because then you'll realize you need me.
And your insecurities keep telling you
That you can't feed me the love
You believe I deserve.

But that's asking for something I haven't earned.
Because you're not the only one who still has
A lot in love to learn.

From where I am, to where I wanna be,

This road is rigorous and long,
The trade winds forever blow fierce and strong.
The only way I'll make it there alive,
is if I find the potential hidden deep inside.

This road's winding nature takes me on a ride;
Zig zag, inverting and constantly breaking my stride.
It blurs any hope in sight to survive,
But this is where patience and dedication pushes through.
Persistance plus determination to make a reality of my view.

And just when I've found a constant pace,
There may be an infinite wall of concrete put in place to test my faith;
Appearing impossible at my feet,
But I look up to the sky with no retreat.
Strength per inch I will conquer and defeat
any obstacle you said I would not be able to beat.


B

LOVE

To give Love,
one must possess Love.
Not just that artificial love
that most people are familiar with,
but that hardcore, spiritual feeling of love that people are afraid to even pursue.
Afraid because human beings are used to being in control.
We feel like because we are the most intellectual beings,
that we should have complete & utter control of everything around us.
But, when it comes down to it,
the Love that this world needs is a force, and a concept,
greater than us.
We are afraid of it because we know that once we give into it,
it will change our lives forever.
And we are terrified of change.

the Run-Around

The time is spring and just as the flowers are in bloom,
my world is too.
I've changed immensely throughout the 2 years that I have been out of high school,
but for some very significant reason the change I am enduring right now is the roughest.
All of the possible "easy way outs" have vanished and I am standing at a cross roads
of either the comfort of my past or the scary unknown of my future.
Isn't it obvious that the choice I should make is my future? I mean, duh Brittny! But the past has this genius way of disguising itself with new potential.
So whenever the future breaks me down, the comfort of my past is like a breathe of fresh air.
I repeatedly take steps back.
Then when I realize I need to be strong and continue moving forward I drop the past, but only to pathetically come crawling back when the fear reappears.
It is a vicious circle and I am caught in the current.
I am so ashamed of this because I don't want to seem weak;
not to mention these tired issues are growing old amongst my friends.
You think I would learn, but sometimes I just feel so absorbed...
like I don't have ultimate control.
But I do have ultimate control, with my heart.
I MUST START LISTENING TO MY HEART.

think of this as My Diary.

Let's see, what are my fears?

Death? that's a good one.
Never loving?! that's an even better one.
Never living?!! that's it.

i fear that my life could be over at any given second
and i won't be remembered. i need to be remembered because
i want the satisfaction that i made a difference on Earth.

...even though i don't think we can take our satisfaction with us when we die.

perhaps i just want to love while i'm here.
and perhaps, living is loving.
perhaps...

doubt&

i gotta testify.
the words i've been writing aren't saying anything.
i've been justifying my thoughts with emotion and feeling
believing if i sell my heart it will lead to all healing.
but a lot of people don't practice heart,
and they misinterprate words by accident or as an art.
so I'm just a wannabe
cause I still haven't proven what i mean.

My Harmatia

I gave in to the passion
and was preyed by the sharpest of teeth.
They cut up my mouth,
leaving blood on my bottom lip
and loose skin along my inner cheek.

Black and blued,
Burned and beaten,
It stung so strong within.

So confused by pain and pleasure,
I stayed silent across his lap.
We harmonized our heavy breathing,
and I dwelled in the lie that I kept leading.